Eat. Drink. Be Merry (and fat)

By | 9:34 AM 1 comment
Is it me or are new restaurants/bars opening faster then I can even digest my dinner from last night?

Every day it seems I get an email about a new restaurant or bar, their menus look insane, the food pics tantalizing, pricing sometimes a little scary, but nonetheless, I star each and every one of these emails (I love Gmail stars!) so that I can make my way to trying these new places out.
How am I supposed to lose weight for that wedding?! How am I supposed to save for retirement? or a house? or a new car? or a fabulous vacation? or the new clothes my fat ass will be needing after gorging all over town?
(Bulimia and Stripping are not options..) Well, to quote a bumper sticker I saw in a cheesy souvenir shop: "Dear God, If you can't make me skinny, please make my friends fat!"

(The following posts below are new spots in town from Thrillist Miami, Daily Candy Miami, Rare Daily Miami, and Urban Daddy Miami)

There are many reasons to love downtown.
A multitude of rustic South American pubs isn't one of them.
Until now. Say hello to
Botequim Carioca, your new authentic Brazilian tavern in downtown, samba-ing onto Biscayne Boulevard this week.

Botequim Carioca
900 Biscayne Blvd
Miami, FL 33132
official website

Sahri Lounge

Now open: 912 71st St; Normandy Isle, Miami Beach; no phone

Hidden on 71st Street in Normandy Isle, Sahri's your standard vaguely-Moroccan-themed neighborhood bar, with two well-lit pool tables (free on Mon), a lounge area in back, and a little upstairs parlor bumping house music on weekends. Happy hour's 5-9pm every night, ladies drink free 'til 1am on Mon, Wed's shot night (free shot of bartender's choice every 2 hours), and Thurs it's live jam sessions: they provide the amp and stage, you provide the instrument and lack of talent.

Eat: Not Miami Spice Prix Fixe at North 110 Restaurant
Fridays and Saturdays: 11052 Biscayne Blvd; 
North Miami; 305.893.4211

A $25 Fri/Sat prix fixe gets you apps like smoked salmon croquetas and entrees like grilled skirt steak w/ sautéed corn & pancetta, yucca-crusted salmon w/ black bean broth, roasted duck w/ Gorgonzola, or grilled chicken breast over penne w/ tomatoes & ricotta cheese. For dessert there are fresh berries, or a chocolate torte that's flourless -- how's that for torte reform?

Introducing I Love Sushi, a beachside sushi den just opened at the Chesterfield.
A small indoor/outdoor sushi bar, think of ILS as a sliver of sushi calm amid the storm that is South Beach. And yes, in case we weren't clear enough, there is sushi here—you'll have the option of everything from the proverbial spicy tuna to more complex sushi rolls like the
Tropical (salmon and spicy mayo topped with mango and lemon slices). We should also mention that the vibe is a bit freewheeling, meaning that the table next to you will likely contain a couple of tanned sushi lovers wearing no more than bikinis and perhaps a thin mesh cover-up. Let us know if that's going to be a problem.

I Love Sushi
at the Chesterfield Hotel
841 Collins Ave
Miami Beach, FL 33139
official website

Mia At Biscayne
Now Open: 20 Biscayne Blvd, Downtown Miami: 305.642.0032

The ability to transform is awesome, like Jeff Goldblum turning into a fly, or tadpoles growing legs and maturing into something that looks like Jeff Goldblum. For a full-on resto that morphs into a full-on nightclub, duck into Mia On Biscayne.

Dig in to the menu and more pics at

Drink: Midtown Sports Bar and Lounge
Now open: 195 NW 36 St; Midtown Miami; 305.576.4424

Radiating a refurbished-dive feel, Midtown stacks the joint with two pool tables, air hockey, darts, free wifi, 3 TVs (more to come), dirt-cheap drinks like $1.75 domestic drafts (Amber Bock, Yuengling), $2.50 imports (Presidente, Stella), and $4.50 wells; bar eats include wings, burgers, and pork sandwiches, and there's a TV monitor at the bar
broadcasting a live shot of the well-lit parking lot, so you can watch wayward clientele relieve themselves on your "SEXMCHNE" vanity plates, instead of just thinking you smell something every time you leave.

Eat A Lot: Kobe Club Re-Opens
Tues to Thurs, 7pm to 11pm; Fri and Sat, 7pm to 12am; 404 Washington Ave; South Beach; 305.534.2211

Re-opening just in time for Miami Spice, and running unheard-of $6 valet, Kobe's giving you a $35 three-course prix fixe of apps like Kobe beef tartare w/ fresh wasabi root, quail egg, and crostinis; iced hamachi w/ jalapeno, pineapple, & scallion; and American "Kobe" beef cheek ravioli in truffle broth, while entrees include pan-seared wild salmon w/ lobster dumplings & tarragon beurre blanc; roasted Kurobuta ‘black’ pork chop w/ Japanese chili-pepper apple sauce; and shaved black truffles over organic chicken that's been mustard-rubbed in the kitchen, which pretty much means you're the tugger, slugger.
For their full Spice menu go to

Engulf: Michy's Fried Chicken Feast
Every Wed night Thru Sept: 6927 Biscayne Blvd; Miami; 305.759.2001

Super-lauded local chef Michelle Bernstein's starting up a face-stuffing Wednesday special: all-you-can-eat organic fried chicken that's been marinated 24hrs in buttermilk, fresh tarragon, Dijon mustard & celery seed and black pepper, endless biscuits 'n' gravy, coleslaw, watermelon Greek salad, and a slice of dark chocolate cream pie -- which, despite being delicious and chosen for the special, is still kind of bitter.
More on Michelle's talents at

Eat: Charlotte Bistro
Now open for lunch and dinner: 264 Miracle Mile; Coral Gables; 305.443.3003

Plating delectables from a French-trained chef in a quaint yet airy setting, just-opened Charlotte offers starters like jumbo langoustine grilled and wrapped in crispy bacon, and pheasant w/ pistachios and pear slices in cardamom butter, entrees like pork tenderloin wrapped in coriander seeds &
mashed Granny Smith apples w/ vermouth rose sauce, Maine lobster tail and ravioli in a broth of fine herbs & saffron, and an 8oz Black Angus center cut with choice of béarnaise sauce, or “Beurre Noisette”: a brown butter sauce w/ sweet spices, a Merlot reduction, and smashed carrots, who're apparently responsible for reducing all that Merlot.
See what Charlotte brings to the table at

Burger & Beer Joint
1766 Bay Rd; South Beach; 305.672.3287
The ideal girlfriend can accommodate your many man-moods, from sports-crazed enthusiasm, to besotted ravenousness, to I-want-to-blow-cash-on-bottles-ness, which is why you're currently dating three different bars. Settle down with one: Burger & Beer Joint.

Unlimited Steak at Flamma Brazilian Steakhouse
You love steak. You love Brazil. Make some time this weekend for your two loves at the just-opened Flamma Brazilian Steakhouse. For 40 clams, the rodizio-styled meat mecca will be serving up endless cuts of tender Filet Mignon, juicy Prime Rib and luscious Lamb Chops. Bring an appetite.

Flamma Brazilian Steakhouse, 3913 Northeast 163 Street, North Miami Beach, (305) 957-9900,

Apple Restaurant and Lounge Debuts
The sun, the beaches, the beautiful people. LA and Miami have a lot in common. And now they have a top-notch restaurant namedApple too. The Angeleno import cheffed by the talented Bryan Ogden has recently opened. Stop in for top-shelf cocktails and a hearty 22-ounce Bone-in-Ribeye (preview the menu). You can thank us later.

Apple Restaurant and Lounge, 1437 Washington Avenue, South Beach, (305) 531-2600,


Tere said...

I do agree that places are opening at a pace that I can't keep up with. And at the same time, so many are closing just as rapidly. I've given up trying to keep track of both.